Not A Perfect Soldier, But A Good Man
by Blur Feather
Summary: What does it mean to be a good man? Steve once knew, now he's not sure. He's a soldier, but the war left him far behind. Another one brews in the distance and Steve wonders. What does it mean. To be a good soldier. To be a good man. In a time where there is no long white or black, its only gray. (Check out the song I based this on: Soldier, Captain America, on youtube)


_Not a perfect soldier, but a good man._

That's what Dr. Erskine said to him the night before he was turned in Captain America.

 _That little guy that was too dumb to not run away from a fight... I'm following him._

Bucky told him with a small grin, the night he brought together the Howling Commandos.

 _The world has changed. And none of us can go back._

Peggy's cold, wrinkled hand and wrapped tightly around his warm, ageless hand. Eyes glittered with long ago pain and yearning.

 _The soldier. The man out of time._

Loki had mocked in Germany, Steve having been there barely a month ago. Freshly thawed and completely raw.

 _What makes you happy?_

Sam had asked, in this new age. Where everything is faster, brighter, bigger... darker. Where shadows are filled secrets and everything is so much harsher.

 _Nothing this time could offer_. Is what he thought, but instead said, _I don't know_.

 _Steve?_

Steve didn't heard his name come from Peggy. Her voice small, uncertain and cracking. He was already under. He was frozen before he was iced.

 _Bucky?_

There was no way that he was alive... Could there? Steve had lived, so what about Bucky? But... How?

 _What do you want?_

He had asked, and got a small grin that held a great irony in it.

 _To see an empire fall._

Those words rung in his ears as Tony, the son of his old friend, his teammate of the last several years, looked at him in betrayal. Having found the truth out about his parents deaths.

 _I could do this all day._

Those six words. He's said them to countless bullies, fighting against their injustice for others. Now he's said them to Tony, fighting against his injustice and Bucky. Who's broken and trying to survive on his own in this fast-paced and unforgiving time. Fighting for the only person that he has left from his past.

 _I can get by on my own._

He told Bucky after his mother died. Bucky gave him that small grin of his, taking his shoulder.

 _The thing is... You don't have to._

Bucky told him. It made everything he's gone through, all the weight on his fragile back and shoulders, feel a little lighter. But when those words come back to him now, the only thing they do is make him feel more alone. More homesick. More longing of a better time. More suffocated. More overwhelmed. More isolated. More... like the man stuck in time.

 _For as long as I could remember, I just wanted to do what was right. Now I guess I'm not quite sure what that means anymore._

He had told Peggy that before finding out about Bucky and the Winter Soldier. When all he knew was that something wasn't quite right with SHIELD.

It's a thought that keeps reoccurring. How to tell good from evil. Good intentions from bad intentions. But everything not black and white like it use to be. Everything are in shades of gray. Bad people using good ones. Good people trying to negotiate, blinded with desperation to find compromise. Wanting to avoid conflict.

Yet if there is one thing that Steve has learned, from both times, is that great change comes with great cost. To gain you must give.

To resolve a world war, America's greatest and first super hero was lost along side millions of other soldiers.

Give your life in exchange for others peace of heart and mind. Something Steve has done again and again.

Gain something lost, give something of equal value. To have Bucky whole and free again, Steve gave up his team and country.

To gain, you must give.

Yet what happens when you have nothing left to give? And still more needs to happen. What then?

You fight till you no longer can.

.

.

.

 _Mommy, why do all the **best** people have to **die**?_

 _When you're in a garden, which flowers do you **pick**?_

 _The **most** **beautiful** ones._

 _ **Exactly** , darling._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _Soldier keep on marchin' on, you got **nowhere** to run._


End file.
